I am currently reading "the Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin..While reading the chapter on making time for fun. She comes across a sadness in her happiness project, sometimes what you find fun, isn't doing what others think is fun. Sometimes this makes us question whether was we like to do for fun is legitimate or not. But she has a rule (a commandment actually), "Be Gretchen". Obviously that is her rule. Mine, is "Be Andrea". I stopped mid sentence inspired to write, so I did, pencil to paper, 1st draft of this blog.
The sadness of the happiness project: finding what you find fun. YOU.
Sometimes we think we need to live our lives like others- we want to find what other do for fun, fun for ourselves. This can often lead us into trying new things in hopes for a positive affect. But what if this constant need to do what others like, what other find fun, leads us into a series of events that we'll eventually come to regret? What if they become what we'll always look back and think "you've made some of the biggest mistakes of your life?"
Some experts saw to look back at what you used to find fun as a child, try them again, you'll probably still enjoy them. I agree....BUT
What if we go back and try to experience what we thought was fun during our most rebellious years. The formative years of our teens perhaps? Those years when our relationships were somewhat frivolous in nature. When our main reason to love someone was their popularity in your group of friends, the colour of their eyes and the choice of their cologne, or how much your parents would disapprove of them?
If we all still based out relationships on the frivolous nature of our youth - the "fun" of it all, how would we all be able to be happy now, to be kind?
In 2009, my relationship with my loving, kind and patient husband suffered. Although there were reasons behind the beginning of the suffering, lack of communication, financial issues, its all about how its handled....well I don't want to rant on that, or make excuses.
When these problems started, I looked to find myself. To find "fun" outside of myself. Looking for what others find exciting and what I ended up realizing later, was harmful to myself and to my relationships.
I know myself, I'll always look back at my mistakes with a sense of regret. I also know that they will always be a part of me now.
This has made me evaluate myself, my marriage, and my friendships in a very analytical (and neurotic) way. I'm a work-in-progress (aren't we all?), but I can honestly say I'm better off. The quality of my relationships far outweigh the quantity of years behind them, the quantity of the mistakes made...quality beats quantity, old cliche wins again.
So while attempting a look into my own happiness, I've realized I'm definitely okay with what I find "fun" and enjoyable, without comparing to others, without feeling like I might be letting some people down.
So for fun, my fun, my pleasure and enjoyment..I love to read (and highlight passages I love that I later write down into a book designated just for this activity), I love to write (even though I might possibly have the worst grammar and no apparent talent for it, sorry blog readers, you probably realized this before me.). I love experimenting in the kitchen. Long conversations (usually completely gossip-free, some habits take a bit longer to kill, human nature and all that) over wine or tea or coffee, especially on the patio, with great friends. "drawing parties", down on the floor, covered in charcoal, randomly dancing, date nights with the hubby, weekend getaways, yearly vacations, conversing with my mom, my dad and having brother/sister dates, going to
starbucks to enjoy intelligent conversation and witty banter over a soy
chai latte, having lunch before work or drinks after with good friends, painting with my music on, watching my favourite television shows.....etc.
So the sadness in it all, knowing that I will never be anyone but me. So in the long run, its a process...but in the end...its all just happy.
What do you do for fun?
